iwias (iwias)

You do right by me, and I guarantee I'll do right by you. But please, please don't turn me into a nun. I'm not that kind of girl. I've got a reputation. Around town I'm known as microwave Jane because they say I heat up faster than any micro. And when the fire chief visited, he wrote up a new code, and made me wear a smoke alarm between my thighs. And then the Coast Guard, he said that I was creating tsunamis in my waterbed. And then the Pope visited, said I was the only person on earth that had been on my knees more times than he had. Now the president's filed a restraining order claiming I have a romantic interest in the Washington Monument. Oh, you men can be so vicious. Look at me! Just look at me! Do I look like that type of girl?