⦗🧛⦘ ⦓☾✹✯𝚅𝚒𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚎✯✹☽⦔ (viellain)

I felt despair. The word's overused and banalified now, despair, but it's a serious word, and I'm using it seriously. For me it denotes a simple admixture - a weird yearning for death combined with a crushing sense of my own smallness and futility that presents as a fear of death.