return NULL; (honor12)

Of course they're real people. They're Oompa-Loompas imported direct from Loompaland... and oh, what a terrible country it is! Nothing but thick jungles infested by the most dangerous beasts in the world - hornswogglers and snozzwangers and those terrible wicked whangdoodles. A whangdoodle would eat ten Oompa-Loompas for breakfast and come galloping back for a second helping.