Mr.Pickles (ap_ultra)

Hi, my name is Jane. We hardly know each other, but that's about to change. You're gonna get to know a lot about me, and maybe even more than you imagine. This whole thing's kind of like a blind date - I mean here we are in your brand-new Corvette, running along the superinformation highway. Put your big muscular arm around me and whisper sweet nothings in my ear, and I promise you'll do whatever your little heart desires. BUT, only if you make the right moves. Just imagine watching me get propositioned by my sleazeball boss. BUT, if you make the wrong moves, you could turn me into a nun. Imagine that. Me? A nun? HA! I don't think so. But it's really all up to you. God knows what you'll do with that hot little mouse of yours. Point is: life's a game, and this game is full of life. You do right by me, and I guarantee I'll do right by you. But please please don't turn me into a nun. I'm not that kind of girl. I've got a reputation. Around town I'm known as microwave Jane because they say I heat up faster than any micro. And when the fire chief visited, he wrote up a new code, and made me wear a smoke alarm between my thighs. And then the Coast Guard, he said that I was creating tsunamis in my waterbed. And then the Pope visited, said I was the only person on earth that had been on my knees more times than he had. Now the president's filed a restraining order claiming I have a romantic interest in the Washington Monument. Oh, you men can be so vicious. Look at me! Just look at me! Do I look like that type of girl? Well if you think I'm that type of girl, you've got another thing coming, mister. 'Cause I don't do one-night stands, I don't date musicians, and I don't roll over just because you bought in this game. Fair warning - I'll be resisting your every move and enjoying your every mistake. I trust it won't be the first time you made mistakes with the opposite sex. Now listen up, the rules of the game are real simple. You see, I meet this guy in the parking lot. Now you are supposed to identify with this guy. I mean you, in your own perverse simple-minded way, are supposed to be him. Got it? Now if you make the right moves, I end up with this schlep, that is, I end up with you. But if you get real lucky, you end up saving me from the bad guy. You become my hero. And as a hero's reward, guess what? Are you game? Then come with me, and you'll soon discover why plumbers never wear ties when I'm around.